December 21, 2014

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 21, 2014

My biggest regret was forcing my teen to choose between his parents in our divorce.

December 20, 2014

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 20, 2014

I kept one of the biggest secrets of my life a secret from my long time boyfriend. We were long distance so I knew he would not find out about my ailing health unless I told him.... the truth eventually destroyed us.

December 19, 2014

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 19, 2014

My secret regret has a silver lining. For nearly 22 years, I never imagined being unfaithful. I love my husband dearly, and I was completely committed to him when we married. I sometimes had little fantasies of other men (always when bored or under a lot of stress), but it never caused me to worry seriously about my fidelity. There were all sorts of problems in our lives and in the marriage, and also extreme stressors and pressures that would challenge the best marriage. I think we did pretty well under the circumstances. But definitely there were issues, some long-standing, that weren't being addressed. It was not for my lack of trying; for years, I talked to my husband directly about my concerns, letting him know truthfully how I was feeling. Nothing got resolved. Eventually, I got tired of talking to him about things, and basically resigned myself to the miserable prospect of learning to live with it.

But the spirit inside me refused to accept so grim a fate, and would not be quieted. I had used the internet for 10 years, making many pen-pal relationships, never having a problem separating legitimate friendship from crossing an improper line with male e-friends. It's possible that made me more vulnerable to falling into the trap. My guard was down. One day I began corresponding with a man I made friends with on a message board for marriage support. We were very drawn to each other. I thought I had it under control, and that my boundaries were firm and unmovable. I won't go into the whole story, but you can surely guess it went much farther than I intended. I got so sucked in without even realizing it, I couldn't find my way out. This man came to mean everything to me. I lived and breathed for our next contact. My husband found out. It was pretty devastating. My guilt for hurting him was immense, but not enough to stop me, although I tried to end it multiple times.

The affair crumbled after 3 months, which wasn't a surprise to me because I knew all along it wasn't sustainable. But I was totally leveled by it. For months, it was all I could do to get out of bed in the morning every day, I was in so much pain. The great news though is, ironically, the damage the extra-marital relationship did to the marriage was what saved it. It was the wake up call my husband needed to begin taking my unhappiness seriously. He realized he didn't want to lose me, and he had an epiphany: he really wanted to save our marriage, and he was willing to do whatever it would take. He expressed his deep remorse to me for the part he played in things unraveling. He said a really sweet thing: "You tried telling me for years, but I wasn't hearing you." At the time, I doubted we could rekindle the spark and passion we once had that brought me so much joy. That was a sad prospect to face. But to our surprise and gratitude, slowly we began to raise our ship-wrecked marriage from the depths, bringing it up to the surface and repairing the damage---not just plugging up the holes that caught our attention when they leaked, like before. Today, I am delighted to tell you that not only is our ship sea-worthy again, but it's become a strong and sturdy yacht we enjoy sailing together, cruising the waters as partners and companions, embarking on adventures, coming through the occasional storm in one piece, ready to continue, and relaxing on the deck together when the waters are calm and the sun is warm.

My husband has said that had it not been for "the other guy", it's possible he would never have found the motivation to put our marriage first and truly commit to it. He said, for that, he is actually grateful it happened. I was very surprised to hear that!

Congratulations on your book. I'm certain it will help many people.

December 18, 2014

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 18, 2014

I am 22 and I regret my addiction to shopping. I have spent money I knew I didn't have just because I couldn't not buy something even if i knew i didn't need it.

December 17, 2014

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 17, 2014

I regret becoming a selfish swinger and ruining my family. My career is on its end and my kids hate me.

December 16, 2014

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 16, 2014

I tried to kill myself at 14 and 22. I barely survived them and only stopped trying out of fear that I would end up disabled. I'm 30 now and still wish to leave. I regret not making a bold move either way. Getting better or getting out of here. Because I'm such lousy company, because I'm so weak people treat me terribly. My current boyfriend cheats on me with and puts me down when I try to imagine a better life for myself, my ex-boyfriend stalked and attacked me after we broke up and my friends of many years all took his side and cut me off. I have lost so many friends. People are truly unkind to inconsequential people. My father died after I was born and my mother spent my childhood chasing men. Everyone in my neighbourhood knew I was unwanted. I've lived this life too long. I regret hovering here.

December 15, 2014

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 15, 2014

I regret ever letting you back into my life. I though you were a good guy, because I met you in high school first, and we connected back up. I regret letting myself feel as though I was in an honest real relationship. I regret Marrying you, and using most of my retirement money as a down payment on a house that in the end I lost. I regret that you are a lying cheater, and as a result your choices and you yourself almost killed me. I sat catatonic because of your choice for 6 weeks, believing you were working through your issues and coming back to me. I starved myself, and could not even function as a human. My kids suffered because of your choices. I lost my house, all my money, and the faith to believe in myself. The devastation you caused, and the hurt I went through was IMMEASURABLE. Meeting you again and letting you back into my life is the BIGGEST REGRET I will ever have. Possibly not because all that happened, but meeting you and marrying you kept me from the one man who I believe I truly belong with. He watched in silent while the woman he loved married you. That's all been fixed now. He Saved me from my misery, takes care of my kids as if they were his own, not the way you did, making them little slaves afraid of you. We are all getting better now, and I am learning the meaning of real love. He saved me from my despair, saved me from going under, and doing the unthinkable. I regret nothing about him, and everything about you.

F/46

December 12, 2014

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 12, 2014

I regret not telling my brother how much he meant to me. I regret I did not listen to him more, talk to him more, respect his opinions more, love him more. I regret how I treated him in the past, making him feel like a failure. I regret how immature and selfish I was in my youthful arrogance, when I should have been loving and supportive. I regret that I can't fix the past. I regret that I could not say to him how much I love him as he took his last breath. I regret that I will feel this grief the rest of my life.

December 11, 2014

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 11, 2014

I regret not opening my self up to others. My friends and family describe me as being "extremely private" or as "independent", but the truth is that I'm afraid. I don't let people in because I am afraid of being hurt or I am afraid of being judge. I know that I can navigate through life without the help of others - I have proven that I can beat cancer all by myself. I don't need to lean on others for emotional support if I am feeling down. I just put on a smile and continue on... But I can't shake the lingering feeling that even though I don't NEED anyone, I am missing out on so many possibilities. I feel so much love coming from my friends and family, yet sometimes I shut them out. If I would just put myself out there and be receptive to what others are giving, I know there is so much more opportunities for love. If only I could get past my own barriers that I have put up....

December 10, 2014

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 10, 2014

37 years ago, My father and I had an argument. It was over something stupid, helping with the dishes. He would yell instead of asking, basically because he was a mean drunk. I locked myself in the bathroom and wished with all my heart he was dead, this was the first time I felt this sincere about this. I never saw him again. The next day my mom came and took me out of school to tell me, my father had died that day. I was 13.