January 30, 2012
SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: January 30, 2012
I regret not leaving the first time you made me feel worthless. I regret not leaving all the times after that when you made me feel like a child. You always have a negative comment about everything. We can't even watch a commercial without some stupid comment from you. You think everything you say is right and everything I say is wrong. When I tell you how I feel, you tell me I am not feeling that but instead it is my fault and I need to change. I am tired of changing for you. I WANT TO BE ME!!! I am so tired of hiding. Nobody knows how unhappy I am with you. You make me feel helpless. I have never thought about ending my life before but it is slowly creeping into my thoughts and I don't like it. I am a weak person and don't know how to leave. One day I will take you up on that offer and I will walk out that door and never look back. You deserve to be alone.
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15 comments:
you have already made it clear you are unhappy! like a band aid you've just git to rip it off. the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave! I think you know you want to leave but you are scared at what will happen. I can tell you from a previous relationship I was in I ended it after 4 months and went back we were together for 7 months and the second time hurt a lot worse and I can tell you if I had just stayed away the first time I wouldn't have been so hurt again. basis point they will nit change and the sooner you leave the sooner you will to d someone. better!
female /20
i've been in this situation before for 4 years.. in the end, i walked out because i just could not take it anymore. the verbal abuse was getting too much.. and i was very2 depressed and no one knew abt it.. people thought i was happy with him because he loves to play the part of a caring partner in front of others.. eventually, i got up and leave because i know that this will not get any better, he will not change and i'm slowly dying.. i was very suicidal and he didn't even care.. my advise is, no matter how miserable you are right now and how unsure you are of the future, just now that there is a better future out there for you, without him in it.. takes time to realize it but you will.. live the life you want, not what he wants.
f/31
We all have been there. But the best thing I ever done was walked away from it all and now my life is so much better my boyfriend now is the best thing that happened to me and I've never looked back, walking away was really hard but it worth it in the end =D keep your chin up you can do it!
Female 21
It sounds like you aren't living, just existing. GET OUT, don't take one more day. He will not change, he doesn't know he needs to and therefore he never will.....
Your best day with him will still worse than your worst day when he is gone. Once you've left you will wonder why you ever stayed so long. Don't waste one more day of your life.
Wishing you a speedy departure.
You say he deserves to be alone. I know what he deserves, but never mind that. You deserve to be free of this burden. You really can leave. You really can have a good life. Our life is the most important thing we have. Don't waste yours. I wasted many years of my life and am so sorry I did. I can never get that time back and neither can you. Please, please take care of yourself. Get yourself a good, satisfying life. You can. F/62
Your life is yours. Don't give one more breath that is yours to this relationship. Leave him. Find your center and believe what you are feeling...and DON'T DOUBT that you are wrong. Change your number and build a big and strong wall between the two of you. When I left I avoided him if I saw him and did not speak to him at all. Crossed the street as if a poisonous snake were there or a pit that I would fall in if I stayed on the same sidewalk. It will get better but you need to take action...and love yourself enough to live your life for you.
I just walked out of a situation like that. I'm living in an apartment with almost nothing. A camp chair, a desk for my laptop, a tv someone gave me. I slept on the floor until I finally got hold of a bed. My ex let me take a small pot big enough to cook ramen in, and I didn't even have a fork to eat the noodles with.
Slowly my friends are helping me with bits and pieces, a few spare dishes they aren't using anyway. A ride to the grocery store to pick up what little I can afford.
The nights are lonely, and if I didn't have my dog I'd probably lose myself completely. I don't miss the ex, the constant petty digs and emotional abuse, the violent rages, the attempts to control... I don't miss him, but I do spend a bit too much time on self pity for the situation I've gotten into.
I found an apartment with utilities included so that I always know exactly how much to budget. I eat cheaply, take the bus to work, keep myself busy so that I won't cry myself to sleep.
Slowly its getting better, easier. I'm better off, even if it doesn't always feel like it. Yet!
You'll survive too, rely on the friends who are willing to be there to support you, find things to do, to focus on. Eventually you'll wake up happy one day again.
Going thru the exact same thing! Just left!
Get out of this destructive relationship,STOP being a victim,you don't owe this man anything,even if he tries to make you believe you do,he has chipped away at your self esteem until you no longer know who you are,he has manipulated you until you believe nothing is right about you,HE IS DESTROYING YOU!I have endured the same thing myself,staying with him ,you will encur many losses and the worse loss will be yourself!.
Take it from someone who was in your place only months ago...get out. It does not get better. Yes, the thought of leaving is scary, and it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but it's worth it. I stayed with a man who tried to control my every move and was mentally abusive for 2 years before I finally woke up. Don't suffer another minute in this situation. You are worth so much more than that.
f/24
Get the book, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them by Dr. Susan Forward. My situation wasn't as bad as yours, but after my husband had a near-death experience it became MUCH worse. He never called me names in the 17 years we had been married, but he was controlling. It would get overwhelming at times but I am strong and independent and fought it. After his illness, though, it became unbearable. Two years of constant criticism, nagging, nit-picking and I shut down. Then, during one fight, he called me a f@*^ing c@nt. That was it. I told him I would rather be divorced than live with a man who thinks it's okay to talk to a woman like that, let alone his wife. He cried and begged, and for the sake of our kids I agreed to therapy. I read this book as well and it has helped me tamper down his anger and criticisms with a simple, "I will not stand for you to talk to me that way" in a firm voice. At first the look of surprise on his face was comical, but it shuts him down immediately.
I understand that I LET him treat me that way by not leaving. When he knew he had crossed the line, it scared HIM! YOU MUST DRAW YOUR LINE! Never let a man speak to you that way. ANY man. When you leave, he will know he has gone too far, and if he truly loves you, he will never cross that line again. Read the book to find out why YOU are attracted to this kind of man in the first place. It will help with all future relationships or make this one better (if that's possible). Good luck!
F/42
After reading the above comment,I must say that if a man loves you HE NEVER treats you the way you were treated,this is not love,it is having control over another human being and behaving as if he owns you,your letter tells us how unhappy you are,do not stay with a man who makes you so unhappy,he will never change,he is an abuser,putting boundaries will not work,he will reverse to his old behaviour at any given time and wear you out,GET OUT,this is the sane thing to do.F67
I'm in a similar situation. Married almost 1 year. Don't have any place to go if I leave. Trying to make it work. Wishing I lived alone.
I've also been in this situation. I was involved with an older man who lost his wife within the last year that we started dating, so of course I figured that he had his life set and it would be easy for me to just slide into his routine and ways. Of course the emotional stress was difficult, and I often felt as though I had to live up to his late wife's life and what she was to him and his child. I have a feeling she didn't have it very easy either, and I really hope that she didn't consider her death to be a blessing for her, rather than heartache in the afterlife (if it exists). Anyway...the way he treated me was awful; I was constantly expected to practically "BE" her, someone I obviously could never be. It started as emotional and verbal abuse, and soon led to physical abuse; my weight was closely monitered and I was criticized for what I ate, he controlled what I wore (nothing tight when I was away, but the absolute least amount of clothes possible while with him--even in public!), controlled who I talked to, what I did, when he would get laid (which put me through the most horrible pain I've ever endured--on a daily basis), when I could or couldn't sleep at night, EVERYTHING. I tried many times to get out, but foolishly returned due to his coaxing and bribes. After the physical abuse intensified (and being a victim of physical abuse from my father from a very young age, I knew this wasn't what I deserved), I finally got out for good. This decision took a lot though, and many people struggled to finally open my eyes. Eventually I had to muster the strength to get myself a restraining order against him, because the bribes and abuse just would not stop. Since then, things haven't been easy & I've been through hurtful relationships, but never close at all to what he'd done to me. I now have an amazing boyfriend, and I'm thankful everyday that I found him...finally! Believe me girl, get out while you can. It's doubtful that it will get better, but rather worse (unfortunately)...and despite what you may think, it will probably never change/you won't be able to change him, despite your efforts. It sounds like you can do better, and that's also what you obviously DESERVE. I wish the best for you & good luck, dear. Believe me, you have more support than you may think!
Female, 20
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